I'm in China now, it's my fourth day, I think. I've got bad jet lag yesterday despite not getting it on my first day here. The food is delicious, and well, obviously, yeah, I don't really explain but I think you know what has happened. My grandmother's god grandson type person swims everyday and his mum said I could come with him. So I guess I'll go swimming as much as possible, but anyways I looked hediously fat in a swimming costume and I know that for a fact because his mum told us to excercise more, him so he can get hungry and eat more and me for me to lose some weight. After I adjust my time right again, I want to wake up everyday at 7am and go outside into my grandmother's park and excercise there. But when you say park it's not really a park, more like a ground with lots of outdoor excercise machines. Everyone back here is so tiny, and I'm pretty sure 98% of them don't have eating disorders, but alot of them are skinnier than me when I was at my lowest weight ever (My BMI was around 17.6).
I'm at my grandfather's office right now, going swimming in an hour and half, I'm playing a really good game called feeding frenzy, the chinese name for it is big fishe at little fish. It's super fun! All I've done all day is eat and sit on my arse so I need to work hard when I go swimming. Today I've watched a programme (I think it might be a series?) and it's a bunch of chinese students talking about what kind of animals they would like to save, I'm guessing it's some sort of environmental programme. Some of the people's accents were so bad you wouldn't be able to understand them without the subtitles, and they all had fucking American accents. I know that's how they usually teaches English in China, but still it just sounds kind of funny. Some of the teachers' accents are terrible too so I don't blame 'em.
I've got about a month and 10 days left here and I haven't lost an ounce or gained an ounce, it's weird because I felt that my belt was a lot looser than it was when I got here. But it's probably because I stretched them, the only way I will ever be able to tell if I am skinnier is by the scales, I don't trust what I see in the mirror and I don't trust what I see when I measure myself.
Albeit all these, I'm enjoying myself a lot, I saw loads of my family-people whom I haven't seen in at least two years if not more. I saw my dad, my granddad, my auntie, my grandomther, my grandfather, my uncle and just lots of other people. I get weird stares from people at time to time though, because I dyed my hair (Although my roots are showing a lot now) and people my age in China aren't allowed to have dyed hair in school, plus it's probably a while since they saw someone my size. I wanna make some friends too, but I have no idea how, if I walk around the street I'll just get weird stares and people think I'm a bad kid and probably got excluded from school, but if I just hang around that place outside grandmother's house, I'll probably be way to scared to talk to people.
I just have to try not to worry too much, I don't want all my hair falling out again or for me to become too paranoid again or something. I'm going to buy clothes tonight apparently, with my grandmother. What should I buy? No clothes looks good on a fat girl and I don't wanna be walking on the street and find some very pretty and skinny girl wearing what I'm wearing. My friends did that once, and although I'm being mean I have to say my skinny friend looked better that my chubby friend. When I go back 350 calories or less with an hour excercise EVERYDAY!